The Thought

Here I sit on a January Sunday, fresh-out of college, on my own--with lots of support from family and friends, a job I love that inspires me, and a pounding hope for the future. Here I sit wondering what will become of me, what will become of US, as we ride the motion of time along our current course. I shudder when I watch the news, when I listen, feeling always a hard undercurrent of futility or impending doom. I am currently the oldest I have ever been, and with a birthday around the corner--lately, I have been thinking of it more acutely.

I feel just as young and clueless when I think about the world as I did when I was sixteen, perhaps more so. I feel an incredible urge to scream at people, "WAKE UP!!" But I don't because I know how they will respond. I don't exactly know how this could be possible, but I have the continually sinking feeling that Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged is coming to life.

I grew up in some magical fantasy. Fed by stories of American Dreams and tales of Individual Achievements I somehow avoided, until my twenties, many of the stark, hard realities of this world we live in. Now, as a student of history, I look back on the annals of our past, the stories we have passed on, and I see the progression- Like some machine developed by man from the start to run its course to our own destruction.

The way we behave on this planet makes me realize it would be just, for that to be the result.

The thing is, I don't want to die, just like that. I can't give up, as futile, the fight to wake up others, to tell them what I have learned, to beg them to learn the truth about everything. To not give up to others the reins of their own destiny. I can't abandon strangers as robots who will never change, when I know they are human with the capacity to listen, to adapt, to love, and to be forgiven.

I have fought for my voice my whole life. Now at 24, I know finally that My Life is worth fighting for, and No One Else is going to Fight for it For Me. If I want to know the Truth, I've got to go out there and Get It.

I have started this blog to record my research and share with any who wants to learn it.